When the World is Sleeping (But Your Mind Isn't)

Explore the unique worries of expat moms during sleepless nights. Tips to calm your mind, connect with others, and embrace your motherhood journey.

It’s 3 AM. The world outside your window is still, the kind of quiet that feels almost too loud. Your baby is finally asleep, their tiny chest rising and falling in a rhythm that should bring you peace. But here you are, wide awake, staring at the ceiling, your mind running circles around questions you can’t seem to answer.

I’ve been there. I remember one night not long after my son Wyatt was born. We had just moved to Germany, and everything felt unfamiliar. The house was silent except for the occasional creak of the radiator, and I couldn’t stop thinking about whether Wyatt would grow up feeling connected to my home culture. Would he know the songs my mom used to sing to me? Would he understand the traditions that shaped me? Canadians aren't that much different than Germans, Right? The thoughts came in waves, one after the other, until I felt like I was drowning in them.

These late-night spirals are something so many of us expat moms share, even if we don’t talk about them. It’s not just the exhaustion of motherhood; it’s the added layer of raising a child far from the familiar comforts of home. The silence of the night has a way of amplifying the worries we push aside during the day.

The Unique Worries of Expat Moms

Motherhood is already full of questions. Am I doing enough? Am I doing this right? But as an expat mom, those questions take on a whole new shape.

I often wonder if Wyatt will feel torn between two worlds. Will he feel like he belongs here in Germany, or will he feel like an outsider, even in my home country? I think about the language too. My German is nowhere near passable, but it’s not my mother tongue. Will he grow up speaking my language, or will it fade into the background as he learns the local one?

And then there’s the distance. My family is thousands of miles away, and while video calls help, they can’t replace the feeling of Wyatt sitting on his aunts or uncles’ laps or playing tag with his cousins. It’s hard not to feel guilty about what he might be missing out on.

These thoughts aren’t just fleeting worries; they’re deeply tied to the love we have for our children and our desire to give them the best of everything, even in a world that feels so different from the one we grew up in.

Why the Midnight Hours Feel So Heavy

There’s something about the middle of the night that makes everything feel bigger than it is. During the day, I’m too busy to dwell on these thoughts. Between feeding Wyatt, keeping up with house work as a Stay-At-Home Mom, and navigating life in a foreign country, there’s little time to sit with my feelings.

But at night, when the house is quiet and the town outside has gone to sleep, it’s like my brain finally has the space to process everything I’ve been holding in. The questions I’ve been ignoring all day come rushing in, and suddenly, I’m lying there wide awake, overthinking every decision I’ve made.

I know I’m not alone in this. I’ve spoken to other expat moms who’ve told me about their own late-night spirals. It’s like a universal experience we all share but rarely talk about.

Finding Calm in the Chaos

When the weight of these thoughts feels overwhelming, I try to remind myself that I’m not alone. Over time, I’ve found a few strategies that help me calm my mind and find clarity during those sleepless nights.

1. Start a Midnight Musings Journal

One of the best things I’ve done is keep a notebook by my bed, or use my phone notes app. Whenever my mind starts to spiral, I reach for it and jot down whatever is on my mind. Sometimes, just getting the thoughts out of my head and onto 'paper' so to speak, is enough to help me feel lighter.

If you’re not sure what to write, start with simple prompts like:

What am I feeling right now?
What am I grateful for today?
What’s one small thing I can do tomorrow to address this worry?

I’ve also found that writing as if my worries have already been solved can be incredibly powerful. For example, instead of writing, “I’m worried Wyatt won’t learn my language,” I’ll write, “I’m so proud of how Wyatt is learning both languages and connecting with both cultures.” It’s a small shift, but it makes a big difference.

For a more guided journaling experience, I often use The Abundant Mama Journal from my shop. It’s filled with prompts and space for reflection, and it’s become a comforting part of my nighttime routine.

2. Practice a Grounding Ritual

When my thoughts start to spiral, I try to bring myself back to the present moment. Sometimes, I’ll close my eyes and take a few deep breaths, focusing on the rise and fall of my chest. Other times, I’ll gently place my hand on Wyatt’s chest and feel the steady rhythm of his breathing.

One night, I even started humming a lullaby my mom used to sing to me. It was one of those moments where I felt completely connected to my own childhood, and it reminded me that I’m already passing pieces of my culture on to Wyatt, even in the smallest ways.

3. Reframe Your Thoughts

I’ve learned that a lot of my late-night worries come from focusing on what might go wrong. But what if I focused on what could go right instead?

For example, instead of worrying about Wyatt feeling torn between two cultures, I remind myself that he’s growing up with the best of both worlds. He’ll learn traditions from both sides of his family, and he’ll have a unique perspective that not many people get to experience.

This doesn’t mean ignoring my concerns—it’s about choosing to see the positives alongside the challenges.

4. Connect with Others

One of the hardest parts of being an expat mom is the feeling of isolation. But I’ve found so much comfort in connecting with other moms who are going through the same thing.

Whether it’s through online forums, local mom groups, or even just chatting with a friend back home, sharing my worries with someone who understands has been a lifeline. That’s one of the reasons I started The Mama Abroad Podcast—to create a space where expat moms can feel seen and supported.

A Gentle Reminder

In the stillness of the night, it’s easy to feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. But the truth is, you’re doing so much more than you realize. Every worry, every question, every sleepless night is a testament to the love and care you have for your child.

You don’t need to have all the answers right now. What matters most is that you’re present, that you’re trying, and that you’re giving your child a foundation of love and security.

Your Midnight Action Plan

If you find yourself awake tonight with a restless mind, here’s a simple action plan to help you find some calm:

Write It Down: Spend five minutes jotting down your thoughts in your Midnight Musings Journal.
Breathe Deeply: Take three slow, deep breaths, focusing on the rise and fall of your chest.
Shift Your Focus: Think of one thing you’re grateful for in this moment. It could be your baby’s peaceful sleep, the support of your partner, or even the quiet beauty of the night.
Plan Tomorrow: If your mind is busy with to-dos, write down the top three tasks you want to accomplish the next day.

For a more structured way to tackle the chaos in your life, check out The Chaos Audit Workbook. It’s a 32-page guide that helps you identify and address the sources of stress in your life, giving you the tools to create a more peaceful and organized routine.

Final Thoughts

When the world is sleeping but your mind isn’t, remember this: You’re not alone. The questions you’re asking, the worries you’re carrying—these are the marks of a mother who loves deeply. And while the answers might not come easily, the journey of seeking them is what makes you the incredible mom you are.

So tonight, as you watch your baby sleep, let go of the need to have it all figured out. Instead, find comfort in the quiet moments, in the love you’re pouring into your child, and in the knowledge that you’re doing your very best.

You’ve got this, mama.

Categories: : Expat Mom Life